So these last couple of weeks have been interesting. I know the buzz word, “interesting” is often used to express indifference or to cover up something that is not ideal—but here I use interesting in the quirky, surprising way.
Today I bought hiking shoes (that has no relevance other than I wanted you to know).
I have been preaching and teaching more than I ever have before, which means I have had more feedback and responses to my teaching and preaching than ever before. The following story, however, will be forevermore one of my favorites. Following a sermon I gave a little over a week ago on “identity,” a tourist who was on holiday and happened to come to our service approached me. After the service she stopped, took my hand, and began to speak: “Now listen, you had some very good things to say, and I really enjoyed it. But…please don’t take this the wrong way. I am saying it out of love. I just don’t want to offend, but I feel like I need to tell you that you…you shouldn’t do yoga anymore.”
My inner-monologue: “YOGA! That’s all, HALLELUJAH. If yoga is the only thing wrong with my sermon then wooooohoooo! I was expecting: it was too lengthy, your theology was bad, you should cut your bangs (someone else said this later). If yoga is all it is then I shall sleep well tonight.”
My actual response: “Oh absolutely thank you so much.”
In this same day I had two incredible encounters. First I was invited to one of my favorite couples (don’t tell the congregation I have favorites…it probably isn’t ethical). When we arrived at their house, we slowly realized they’d been burglarized while we were at church. HOW TERRIBLE! Fortunately not much was taken, but we were just a wee bit shaken. I tried to get my best comedy on though and keep the mood light—I described the episode of the Middle when the neighbor thinks the family has been robbed but really they just left the house a mess. It is a classic episode (and probably a foreshadowing of my own life). Despite the crime—it was an absolutely wonderful afternoon with two people who love the Lord and with whom I enjoy spending my time.
Later, however, I had the equally amazing opportunity to spend an evening with a couple from the United States who had stumbled upon Killarney Methodist that morning, came in for worship, we got to talking and before they left they took a chance and asked me to dinner. Let me just say they are two of the most wonderful, Godly people I have ever encountered, and I was speechless after our night together. Let’s just say—it has to be the Holy Spirit when you all three cry publicly during your conversation in the company of relative strangers (while talking about the work that God is doing in your life).
There is no doubt that I will never ever forget this day for the rest of my life. And while this may not be the smoothest transition, I want to update you all on some of the decisions I have been discerning over the summer.
Just to update all of you out there…I have been praying and discerning a lot over these last two months and have really struggled with my plans for the end of next year. I know many of you may laugh and think “why is she thinking so far in advance, doesn’t she know it could all change.” Believe me, I know but in the land of boards and agencies and paperwork a year is a relatively short period of time. In order to go before my ordination boards next spring, I would have to indicate to the ministerial services office of my plans this month. Yes, almost one year prior to the actual time of commissioning and ordination at next year’s conference. With all of that said, I have come to the peaceful (somewhat uncomfortable) decision to not request my paperwork this July and to postpone my possible commissioning until the spring of 2013. Gasp.
I know it has come after a lot of long conversations with God and with those close to me, and I just need a year to do—well, I don’t know yet, God hasn’t revealed that part yet. All I know for now is that, I have some peace about this decision. And I have peace about the steps that will come after this year. People were very nervous when I went off to study in a Buddhist monastery several years ago—they were scared I might come back with less faith. But, in reality, nothing has strengthened my faith more than that experience. Taking a year off after I graduate in May is not an attempt to run from my calling, but it is part of my calling. I am not abandoning the prospect of ordination—actually, right now, I have never been more comfortable with my call to ordination. It is coming.
Do not fear—in many ways, this decision is the best possible one. While I have been in Ireland, I have been scared to death by the notion that God may indeed be calling me to pastoral ministry (in an actual church), which is something I have been avoiding for a long time. The language of being called to be a pastor horrifies me, which is probably a very good thing. I am becoming more at home and more accepting of this call, but I need time to sort out some things. My mom and roommate Lindsey Baynham can confirm that I have not always kept the cleanest room, but I have always been a planner—I like to think through things before I do them (sometimes to my detriment and sometimes to my benefit). I followed God’s call all the way to Ireland and found peace (not answers) to a lot of my questions. I am going to continue to follow God wherever it is that God will lead me. And right now, this is where God is leading me—to take some time off after seminary. This has been a long discernment process, and it isn’t over yet. But I just thought I would release myself from the burden of living up to others expectations and attempting to hide myself from God’s plan in order to please the people who are watching me.
So there it is. I have been compiling a list of things to do with a year off (not really off but not really on either). Here are some of them…
1. 1. Go to New Zealand (because the Flight of the Concords said it wouldn’t suck)
2. 2. Be in a play (I really really miss theatre)
3. 3. Make (not buy) gifts for other people (at least 3x)
4. 4. Study and take the GRE
5. 5. Grow a garden (finally!)
6. 6. Do a lot of yoga (regardless of parishioners’ warning J)
7. 7. Use my hiking shoes.
8. 8. Add to this list.
And Here is some proof that I am actually in Ireland.
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